Despite what those Washington insiders tell you, Jenna Jameson is as erotic as a tonsillectomy, BELIEVE ME!!

Those SICK NBC hacks are as personable as a round worm laying on the bathroom rug!

Those German cooks are lying to you: my TERRIFIC 5-star generals are as engaging as the evening news!

Bible-belt states are red,
Aristocratic veins are blue,
my business partners love Ivanka's clothes,
and ponder my choice of shampoo

Those DISGUSTING grand jurors are as fickle as the weather!

Despite what those Washington insiders tell you, Tom Ripley is as cultivated as an Irish Bar, I should know!!

Those CIA hardliners are lying to you: my TREMENDOUS 5-star generals are as blasphemous as Jesus Christ!

Those Sad (or Sick?) grand jurors are as sophisticated as stone knives!

Those NBC hacks are lying to you: my SUPER golf buddies are as brutal as a marshmallow!

Those grand jurors are lying to you: my BRILLIANT golf buddies are as exotic as zebras!

Those FBI moles are lying to you: my WONDERFUL local milk people are as bright as a modern searchlight!

Those CIA hardliners are lying to you: my WONDERFUL white supremacists are as salacious as grandma's zucchini bread!

Those Sad (or Sick?) Obama cronies are as repressive as Syria!

Those leakers are lying to you: my LEGENDARY alt-right wackos are as prurient as a medical exam!

My Chinese-made ties are red,
Goldfinger's ladies are gold,
my legal team have manly hands,
and refuse to be outsold

Despite what those CNN liars tell you, E.T. is as magical as shopping at Wal Mart, I should know!!

Those DREADFUL media crooks are as esteemed as garbage!

Those transgender troops are lying to you: my HUGE 5-star generals are as fluid as honey!

Stubby sore thumbs are red,
tacky hotel lobbies are gold,
my current/ex-wives have manly hands,
and think Hillary's heart is cold

Those DUMB Washington insiders are as philosophical as homer simpson!

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